The Paljasaare Archipelago

Not just Casino Island but Pirate Island and Treasure Island too.

Tallinn City Councilman Märt Suits, the man behind the idea to build an island just off the city shore and sit a world class gambling establishment on top of it, has had a stroke of luck. He has discovered that several hundred years ago, there used to be not one, but three islands in the same location as his Casino Island development.

These kidney shaped islands in Paljasaare bay were blown up to accommodate shorter ferry routes.
there's more

comments (1)

Only in Finland

Dept. of Long-term Social Problems

Finland is arguably one of the world's most advanced cultures. It has a social network developed enough to afford paying gypsies to dress in native costume. Everybody gets good medical treatment. Its forest industry thrives due to a network of roads to get the trees out and smart re-planting. And Nokia, well, is Nokia. Finland also, it should be added, was the only axis country to fully pay its war reparations.

But, ironically, along with all that comes the alcoholism. The sign at left is from a Lapland hotel's toilet door.

comments (1)

Europe’s 60-dollar Cheeseburger

And ketchup costs extra.

“It costs what it costs. I wish it didn’t cost that much but you know let’s be honest about it. A cheeseburger and onion rings is sixty dollars over there. The dollar is very, very weak now.” –North Carolina Governor Mike Easley as reported by the Raleigh News & Observer, 02 July 2008
there's more

comments (3)

Kalev Spa – for those who like action

Accident hospitalises guests, spa and sports club closed.

33 people at the Kalev Spa in Tallinn suffered chlorine poisoning on July 1st. There are no plans to reopen the facility until the Health Protection Inspectorate has completed its investigations.

Environmental tests have yet to establish the reason for the accident.

Since opening in 2006, the Spa Hotel, swimming park and sports club has had a chequered safety record. 200 people were trapped inside the spa because of a sudden loss of electricity, 21 guests have been injured when using the spa’s black, enclosed water slide and a two-year-old child lost half a thumb when it was caught in one of the spa’s lockers.

comments (0)

Baltic first fuel protest

Alfa.lt reports trucks and buses besiege capital.

Approximately 200 trucks and busses crept slowly on central streets in Vilnius, the capital of Lithuania on Wednesday morning. Similar protests took place in smaller towns such as Marijampole and Utena.

The Transporters Association of Lithuania "Linava” demanded a reduction to fast-growing oil prices. Linava’s aim is to make government aware of the situation and allow for its discussion and remedy.

The trucks and buses were driving on rather wide streets of up to two or three lanes and therefore did not cause any bigger traffic jams.
there's more

comments (2)

Ilves splits

“We’re outta here”

A day after addressing the World Congress of Finno-Ugric Peoples, Estonian President Toomas Hendrik Ilves marched his delegation out of the conference. The protest came following statements about last years Bronze Night violence in Tallinn, made by the Chairman of the Russian Duma's International Affairs Committee, Konstantin Kosachev.

“In Estonia when the defenders of the monument celebrating the conquerors of fascism were beaten by police, there were no open letters, or resolutions to the European Parliament, no condolences sent - only complaints that youths outraged by murder had interrupted the Estonian ambassador’s transportation,” he said.
there's more

comments (26)

Trashy News 4

Bad for Beamer
This past week, a passenger train at the Baltijaam didn’t stop quite in time and rolled off its tracks into a parked BMW. (No news whether it was illegally parked.) Friday evening, Ivan drove his BMW through the wall of a Rakvere gym. Stop what you’re thinking: Ivan was sober. However, he had no drivers license, insurance, etc.

Truth and Justice
Not at all trashy. A 22-hour marathon of Tammsaare’s Truth and Justice was performed in Vargamäe, the author’s stomping grounds. Those who saw the performances were blown away. Sadly, Tammsaare is yet to find an audience in the West, despite the fact that a large part of his work has been translated. (The translated work is still looking for a publisher.)

comments (0)

Trashy News 3

Operation Everybody Blows
There were 24 traffic accidents over the Jaani holiday period. All those accidents and only one death. On Jaanipäev itself, police caught 60 drunk drivers in the net of its Operation Everybody Blows. Operatsioon Kõik Puhuvad was not exactly made for translation.

comments (0)

Feds harmonise alcohol sales

The Estonian parliament has passed countrywide legislation that restricts the sale of alcohol to the hours of 10 AM to 10 PM. Previously, local municipalities were responsible for defining the times alcohol could be sold within their region. The lack of uniform alcohol sale times led to people, often drunk, driving from one municipality to another in order to pick up a bottle or two or ten.

The new law will come into effect before the end of July and contains one caveat; the sale of alcohol within Tallinn Airport's customs control zone will not be restricted.

The sale of alcohol in bars and restaurants is not affected by the new law.

comments (1)

Lucky Cordoza at the Tallinn Tables

All he wanted was to play a little blackjack. Instead, he became the poster boy for Olympic Casinos.

What has the world come to? McClatchy Newspapers has stooped to what they probably consider an exposé on American public servants who gamble while they travel. And all they’ve managed to do is write an ad for Olympic Casinos.
there's more

comments (2)

A populist manifesto

You have to imagine the Estonian economy as a big Kringle.

Estonia’s Centre Party, with Edgar Savisaar as the self styled “national sponsor,” proposes 12 steps to survive the economic crisis and come out the other end smelling like roses.

1. Peg pay rises to inflation. If the workers are seeing a decrease in their spending power, they may flee the country. However, pay rises in sectors that are preferred for development should be guaranteed, primarily in the internationally competitive, export industry.

2. Labour shortage: Bring labour force from abroad back to Estonia by giving them a concrete vision as to when Estonia’s economy will reach the same level as the rest of Europe.

3. Social policy: Invest in creating a middle-class that consumes lots of services.

4. Personal finances: Sell furniture company to shady Ukrainian businessman with links to weapons sales.
there's more

comments (2)

Trashy News, 2

Strawberries for the rich.
Estonian strawberries are on the market and, due to the night cold having done its work, they are ten times more expensive than last year. Readers needn't worry: for those of us whose taste buds are numbed from too many meals at McDonald's and Nimeta, there are always the Polish and Spanish strawberries.

Happy 4th of July--you weren't invited.
Yesterday the US Embassy in Estonia celebrated America's independence day with Estonia's Vanilla Ninja taking the stage. Those foreigners who were not invited should see Vello Vikerkaar's column on losers. None of the Baltlantis staff received an invitation.
there's more

comments (16)

Businessman buys Bugatti EB Veyron 16.4

Johnsonable

The most expensive car in the world.

Alfa.lt reports.

An anonymous Lithuanian businessman bought world’s most expensive car, the handcrafted Bugatti EB Veyron 16.4, daily Lietuvos Rytas reports.

The Bugatti EB Veyron 16.4 is officially named as the highest-priced, fastest accelerating, street-legal car in the world. Until recently it was assumed as the world’s fastest (being able to achieve a top speed of 407.47 km/h, powered by a 736kW engine).
there's more

comments (0)

Trashy News of Summer

Will the last Estonian to write an autobiography please turn out the light.
This week it's Katrin Karisma who's penned the tell-all of her life. Katrin, as near as we can determine, is more famous for being famous than anything else, though we believe she may have done some acting before launching her career on reality television. The book has apparently angered her ex-hubby, but we can't imagine ever reading the thing to find out why. Look for plenty more crappy Estonian autobiographies to be released this summer. We'll tell you here first in our Trashy News Watch.

She'll give it back.
First Lady Evelin Ilves was given a 50,000 EEK Raymond Weil watch (yes, the airport duty-free brand--note free ad we gave them above) which her spokesman says will be returned to the state when she's no longer First Lady. Poor Evelin, who's done good things for charity, got her pic snapped with Raymond Weil's Baltic watch salesman (who gave her an "award") and now she'll suffer for it.

there's more

comments (6)

Kroon swarmed

No panks says UNREMITTING FAILURE.

In financial news, the Estonian Kroon suffered a setback yesterday when a crowd of world currencies surrounded it and shouted, "Kroon, Kroon, the feckless Kroon." Long a target of ridicule and bullying by its peers, including other unpopular monies such as Mauritania's Ouguiya and Vietnam's Dông, the Kroon did nothing to defend itself.

In response, Estonia said it would not tolerate mockery of its national currency. "The Kroon is no more ridiculous than the Tanzanian Shilling," said a source with the Estonian Central Bank. During the phone interview, shouts of " let us go poke the Tanzanian Shilling with a stick," could be heard in the background.

comments (1)

Illicit alcohol on Lithuania-Kaliningrad border

Silute police pounce – suspects apprehended. Alfa.lt reports.

Early Wednesday morning State border security and task-force officers discovered a clandestine alcohol factory at Lithuania’s southern border near Silute.

In a forest near the village of Gardamas, State officers found equipment for alcohol distillation, 55 litres of alcohol and approximately 8000 litres of ferment.
there's more

comments (3)

Estonia's Prince in Waiting

The story so far - Ted Johnson suggested in a comment to The Royal Treatment that it is time for Estonia to have its own Royal Family. Baltlantis thought this a fine idea and asked readers to nominate a A Suitable Boy. The consensus was that singer, presenter and bon vivant Mart Sander, was the most princely contender. So we asked Mart Sander: Make your match.

Mr. Sander has given careful consideration to our suggestions of a royal mate and made his decision.

He has also been kind enough to provide a photo of his proximity to royalty.

Who did he choose? Find out via there is more.
there's more

comments (3)

Kaunas Castle's new Lord and Master

Alfa.lt reports a Member of City Council to move his office into Kaunas Castle.

Bronislovas Kucinskas the new Vice-Director of the Tourism Information Centre and a member of the Kaunas City Council has recently announced his intention to move his office into Kaunas Castle as reported by the Lithuanian daily, Lietuvos Zinios.

Vygantas Gudenas, an officer in the city council reports that Vice-Director Kucinskas, 69, is well-versed in the construction industry. "His knowledge and experience will be invaluable during the tourist information centre’s design and construction.” Expert supervision is necessary as funds for this project are confirmed as coming from Norwegian sources.
there's more

comments (0)

You know you've been in the Baltic too long when…

This was written by and for expats in Lithuania, but all will find common ground.

You know you've been in Lithuania too long when...

you only eat in restaurant-chains, which start with Cili
you put ketchup on your pizza and think that's the way Italians do it
half of your friends disappear to work in the British Isles or Scandinavia or the United States and you think that's normal
you have become tired of explaining to your friends and relatives at home, that you are a.) not in Latvia b.) not in Russia and c.) Riga isn't the capital of the Baltic
there's more

comments (1)

Back in the USSR

The Lithuanian Time Machine

They looked like they were right off the kolkhoz—plastic shoes, bushy sideburns, cardboard briefcases—and they stood next to the electrical box in this journalist’s new Vilnius office.

   “We’re cutting you off,” they announced, pliers in hand.
   “But the electrical contract’s been transferred. All the papers are signed.”
   “You didn’t go to our office.”
   “We called your office. They said everything was fine.”
   “We told you to go there personally.”
   “Give them a bottle,” someone whispered to our company’s director. She laughed. Could things in Lithuania have changed so little?

A quick search uncovered a dusty bottle of cheap brandy. Two sentences thanking the men for their vigilance plus a bottle passed under a newspaper and they were gone for good.
there's more

comments (3)

Crisis? What Crisis?

Flasher-T dissects Estonia's economic woes

Everyone knows Estonia is in the middle of an economic crisis. Prices are really high, labour efficiency is really low, the government isn't getting enough taxes, the economy isn't growing, there's inflation, and generally everything is really, really bad.

But what does it actually mean?

I'm not an economist, so you'll have to bear with me; I am simply going on the premise that if there is an answer to give, it must be an answer that can be reached through common sense. I am also trying to use hard numbers from the hypnotic stat.ee database. Lies, damn lies, and search engines. Correct me if I'm wrong, and read the comments to see if someone already has.

First, the inflation. As we know already, the Estonian kroon is pegged to the Euro, and that rate is holding - so the actual value of the kroon in worldwide terms is not changing significantly. The Euro's inflation is at an all-time high as well, pushing 4%. The kroon's is at 10% or more, year-on-year. The latest figures available are for April 2008, and put the overall price index at 168.36. The same index for April 2007 was 151.12, showing an increase of 11.35%. This is supposedly the average increase in an average Estonian household's spending, I guess.
there's more

comments (6)

Mart Sander: Make your match

Recently, Baltlantis began the campaign to marry an Estonian male to European royalty. Our readers provided a great list of possible princes. Mooted were Peeter Liiv, Kalle Kulbok, Mihkel Kärmas (and his eurobeard), Tanel Padar, either of the Rebane brothers, and some guy from Estonian Air.

All the men suggested, with the exception of Andrus Ansip (said readers), would make a fine addition to the royal gene pool.

However, one man stood out from the rest. By the authority of reader opinion, Baltlantis nominates Mart Sander as Estonia's Prince in Waiting.

He is tall, handsome, charming, photogenic, gainfully employed, good in crowds, not known to shy away from a bit of charity work, can work a white suit, likes hats and is known to bust out a song at the drop of one.

He treats his mother like a queen but does not live with her.

Honestly, what else would a European princess want?
there's more

comments (4)

Bear’s Ass, USA…

…is a tourism mecca

Ever been to Branson, Missouri? This writer has. Some dismiss it as a mecca for Christian wackos and the aging parents of the stupid white males who support Hillary Clinton--the redneck voters she claims Obama just can’t get and are so important for the party. Branson sports dozens of restaurants and family-friendly theatres where you can see Dolly Parton, the Osmonds, Yakov Smirnov, or a happy violinist called Yoji. Everyone's proud to be an American (including Yakov) and, while some may be rednecks, are happy to pay handsomely for the privilege: None of the stars are giving their tickets away.
there's more

comments (4)

A Serious Tabloid?

Slick cars and journalism

Summer is such a slow period in Estonia's news business that our editors sometimes find themselves turning to Estonia's tabloid, SL Õhtuleht, in order to find something to amuse and enlighten Baltlantians. Today's Õhtuleht features a story about Estonian politicians driving expensive cars and blowing money on gas (e.g., Centre Party member Lembit Kaljuvee drives a 2007 Land Cruiser and spent 8,584 EEK on gasoline in February).
there's more

comments (0)

Tomorrow the World

Eurovision and Estonia

Take a slowing economy, add an abominable Eurovision performance plus an imminent 150 million EEK being spent on the country’s image, and this makes for a slightly fidgety population. Even serious people are discussing Estonia’s image and whether the world can really ever respect a country who has slept with Eurovision. Here are some choice cuts from interviews in Eesti Päevaleht on that very topic.

Dave Benton (singer): “Enough of the jokes and parodies. Let’s take this thing seriously. The Swedes take it seriously and some good things have come from it. First of all, good English-language lyrics are needed. Second, good management work. I know only one manager in Estonia capable of making contacts abroad.”
there's more

comments (5)

EAS reveals new tourism slogan:

"Hey, How's it going?"

Billed as the "natural successor to 'Welcome to Estonia,'" EAS chief, Ülari Alamets, yesterday revealed Estonia's new tourism slogan: "Hey, How's it going?" The Estonian government will immediately begin investing as much as 90 million kroons in media spending behind the slogan.

"It's really logical when you think about it," said Alamets. "It also translates well into many languages." EAS officials unveiled a 25-meter wide billboard destined for Paris, France. "Comment ca va? Estonia," read the text. Similar translations, said a spokesman, are in the works for Spain ("Como esta?") and Germany ("Wie Gehts?").
there's more

comments (12)

Just doing his civic duty

Yuri Liim, the most active member of Estonia’s National Movement, is being investigated for arranging the removal of two Soviet War memorials.

Previously, Liim was arrested but not charged after he threatened to blow up the Bronze Soldier monument unless it was removed.

Estonian Police report that Liim hired a man with a crane and together they transported a monument of stone tablets to an undisclosed museum.

The 66-year-old Liim calls his actions "a clean-up job."

comments (7)

Euroshame

The aftermath of Estonia's Eurovision bomb

"For a while, we'll all be ashamed to be Estonian," said a prominent Estonian to the press after Estonia's Eurovision act, Kreisiraadio (Crazy Radio), made a dreadful performance in Serbia and was voted out.

But it was dreadful by design. It was supposed to be a joke. But, as the all-knowing Baltlantis cautioned months ago, it was a joke which wouldn't play outside Estonia.
there's more

comments (15)

The power of Putin's pockets?

Excerpts from John Freivalds’ article on Russia’s economic tyranny

“Latvia is just a metaphor for what economic tyranny Russia is applying to its former territories and Western Europe,” writes John Freivalds. The author is selling some land in Latvia, and the irony of a likely Russian buyer isn’t lost on him: “…in 1991, Russian mafia types…would call on existing businesses and demand protection money from its meager turnover. Today, these same types come into a business and offer to buy it.”

“Put another way, in 1956 at the height of the Cold War, then-Soviet premier Nikita Khrushchev said to the West, ‘We will bury you.’ Today, Putin's pockets are saying in effect ‘We will buy you.’”

“Will Germany and other European countries upon which Latvia depends for half its energy come to Latvia's defense if Russia cuts off its gas and oil flow? Even aloof Switzerland, which used to have strict limits on foreign investment in its land, recently succumbed to Russian cash and changed its laws as a firm called Miramax Group is building a multimillion-dollar resort for Russians in the Swiss Alps.”

Read the article here.

comments (0)

A town called Loo

No, you don't pronounce it that way.

If the name of your town isn't bad enough, try making news by having your city's kindergarten poisoned with salmonella. Which is what happened in early May in Loo, Estonia (pronounced "low" with a bit of wiggling on the vowel).
there's more

comments (1)

Wanted: A Suitable Boy

Blame Ted Johnson. This story was his idea.

But we think it's a good one, and we're proud to steal it from Ted. And so we begin our campaign to marry an Estonian male to European royalty. What better way to help bring Estonia back into the European fold? Estonia has had kings before (five short-lived ones by our count--see Mart Laar's Estonia's Way--all of them executed), but we trust the next one will have better luck.
there's more

comments (17)

Like World War II never ended

Alfa.lt's RhinoceRoss laments the Baltic State's continuing xenophobia

Canadians mark WW2 on November 11. We call it Poppy Day. Army vets from the Royal Canadian Legion stand at subway entrances collecting money for charity. Drop a coin and you get a lapel pin in the shape of a poppy.

As kids at school, we used to read the famous WW1 poem by John Alexander McCrea:

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row...

But, after a few minutes of silence and the playing of the Last Post or the Scottish Bagpiper's Lament, Canadians get back to business.

WW2 was a long time ago. The wounds, for the most part, have healed.
there's more

comments (11)

Keeping It in your Pants

More depressing hooker stats from the North

Researchers tell us that 11 to 13 percent of men in these northern climes have paid for sex during their lifetimes. If you happen to be one of them, here are a few good reasons to keep it in your pants, at least in Estonia.

70% of prostitutes have had gynecological diseases.
Three-fifths of the girls take some form of medication on a regular basis.
57% have shot up with narcotics.
57% are HIV-positive or have AIDS.
Every fourth prostitute suffers from a chronic illness.

These statistics pertain to Ida-Virumaa County (Narva and thereabouts), so if you're paying for sex in Tallinn then you are probably slightly safer. Probably.

comments (2)

The Royal Treatment

Queen Beatrix in Estonia

"I am here, among other reasons, to expand my ever-growing hat collection," said Beatrix, Her Majesty Queen of the Netherlands, to this reporter during a quiet moment on one of Toompea's observation platforms. "But all I've found so far is amber and sweet alcohols."

You're not alone, Your Majesty. This reporter has been looking for a quality souvenir for her mother for years now and found nothing worth mentioning beyond the Kihnu Island Sweater.

Queen Beatrix met yesterday with President Toomas Hendrik Ilves, Parliament Speaker Ene Ergma, and Prime Minister Andrus Ansip. Today she will meet with Mayor Savisaar, who some say she would resemble if she were both ugly and a man.

-Viktoria Vahva, 15.05.2008

comments (8)

Sissy Nation

Spoiled rotten Estonian kids

"So what's the job?" asked the young man standing in my yard.
"You see that pile of rocks? You pick them up, carry them 100 meters, put them down again."
"That's a lot of rocks," said the kid.
"Yep," I agreed. "At least two day's work."
The kid looked at the rocks. He looked at his friend. They chatted a bit between them. "No," he said. "We could hurt our backs."
there's more

comments (14)

A Tourist-friendly Tallinn?

Tiina Tamman, in today's Eesti Päevaleht, asks how welcoming is the country whose slogan is Welcome to Estonia...

She compares getting simple travel information in today's Estonia to that of her trip from Soviet Estonia to England in 1974. (There was virtually no information available in Tallinn; you could only learn ticket prices once you got to Moscow!) Welcome to the club, Ms. Tamman. Baltlantis would make you mayor.

Ms. Tamman says:

there's more

comments (6)

F-Estonia

The Estonian “fart tax” at the leading edge of EU legislation.

Estonian farmers have received their first bio-wind tariff demands from the Ministry of Finance. The letters ask them to pay for green house gas emissions produced by each of their cattle.

Authorities say the flatulence tax is designed to compensate for the methane gas produced by the country’s cows.

A single cow is thought to produce 350 cubic litres of methane and 1500 of carbon dioxide a day from flatulence and burping. It is estimated that cattle are responsible for up to 25% of Estonia’s methane gas emissions.

Opposition politicians have slammed the tax. Jaanus Marrandi, of the People’s Union of Estonia said: “This is unprecedented in any EU country and totally unfair to beef producers. How much methane and carbon dioxide do humans produce? I had a Mexican meal last night. Should I pay extra for that? ”

comments (0)

Russia’s two face

by Roar Myrbråten

The major symbolic element of the Russian State’s coat of arms, the two-headed eagle, with each head looking in the opposite direction, now truly represents control of the country’s power.

This week, Dmitrij Medvedev was sworn in as the new President of Russia. His first act of state was the appointment of out going President, Vladimir Putin, as the new Prime Minister. The first thing newly anointed Prime Minister Putin did was move to the Russian premieres office, across the river from the Kremlin, with the majority of his senior staff.
there's more

comments (2)

Land of the Free? or the Litigious?

"...less free in the United States..."

Were citizens in the former Soviet Union more free than those in today's United States? Anna from Estonia thinks so. And Anna bent the ear of Leonard Pitts, one of America's more popular syndicated columnists. Baltlantis welcomes your comments on Anna's point of view, which follows in Mr. Pitts' essay.

By Leonard Pitts Jr., McClatchy Newspapers

I’d like to think it was the sangria talking.

But the plain truth is, when Anna said she doesn’t find this country to be especially free, it was Anna talking. Granted, her complaint is hardly new. People often grouse about the lack of freedom in the land of the free.

But you see, Anna is from Estonia, a former republic of the old Soviet Union. As in the Evil Empire, world’s leading exporter of communism. So when Anna says she feels less free in the United States where she now lives than in the once-totalitarian regime where she was born, well ... it gets your attention. And when she says Americans sometimes remind her of the gray, fatalistic men and women who shuffled along under communism, unwilling to think too deeply, say too much or laugh too loudly for fear of offending the State, it is striking, to say the least.

You won’t know Anna from Estonia. She is a friend’s fiance and these insights were not part of some think tank paper but, rather, came in the ebb and flow of table talk one recent night at a Mexican restaurant. Still, I think Anna is onto something.
there's more

comments (10)

Medvedev sworn in

What's in a speech?

Dmitry Medvedev took the oath yesterday and became the third President of Russia. The 42-year-old Medvedev nominated Vladimir Putin as Prime Minister just a few hours after taking his oath.

What should we expect from Mr. Medvedev? Baltlantis has no kremlinologists on staff (budget cuts) but we were pleased by some of the honest recognition of Russia's status quo in Medvedev's speech:
there's more

comments (2)

Garbage Gangsters

Finders keepers. And thieves to the slammer?

The only thing worse than dragging 10,000 tons of garbage out of the forest is a fellow citizen who cuts open your trashbags and steals your garbage. Which is what is happening all across Estonia. Teeme Ära 2008's miraculous cleanup has served as an opportunity for Estonia's metal men, so-called businessmen who deal in scrap metal.

Those lowest on the food chain--the metal gatherers--have been caught repeatedly cutting open trash bags, taking out metal, and flinging the remaining trash around the site. And, for a while, the police stood around with their hands in their pockets.
there's more

comments (1)

Land of Blind, Drunk Drivers?

Estonia on NPR

It's hard to control what news gets picked up abroad, as was the case with Estonia's appearance on America's "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" radio show on National Public Radio. All Baltlantians will know the answer to the question, but the program is worth a listen to see how Adam Felber, Roy Blount, Jr., and Paula Poundstone have a good time with the story.

Hear the broadcast here. Click on "Lightning Fill in the Blank" near the bottom of the page, and wait for the third round of questions (or advance to the fifth minute in the six minutes of tape).

comments (1)

Victory in the Garbage War

"Hedgehog & Rabbit" scrubs Estonia's forests

On Saturday, May 3rd, 50,000 Estonian volunteers joined forces to fill 250,000 trash bags with illegally deposited garbage from Estonian forests. Stacked carefully, that's enough garbage to build two structures the size of Tallinn's Olympic Hotel. (Probably not a comparison the hotel management loves.)
there's more

comments (2)

3 decades of spam

30 years ago tomorrow, on May 3, 1978, a marketer for the now defunct DEC computers sent an unsolicited email to 400 people. He typed each address individually and pressed send. Spam was born.

- 80% of mail sent to Gmail users is spam.

- Nigerian Princes and relatives of deceased African dictators all want to give you money in exchange for your banking details.

- The most often given reason for shutting down an email account – “my penis is already big enough.”

- Twelve percent of Internet users have bought something offered to them by spam, 99.98745% were ripped off.

- A Brazilian model died after using weight loss pills she bought via spam.

- Last year, 75 percent of Americans who were tricked by Internet fraudsters into parting with 239.09 million dollars (152.5 million euros) were ensnared through a spam message.

comments (3)

Racism Row?

When will Russians join the 21st century?

When my friends and I used to travel to Russia in the summer, we set our watches ahead one hour when we changed time zones. Inevitably, someone would make the crack: "Russia: one hour ahead, one hundred years behind."

It seems fans not allowing black players on the Zenit St. Petersburg football team adds another decade to that hundred. Read the full story here.

comments (1)

Haves and Have Nots

Ordinary vs. Elite

The Economist’s Lexington column, while covering Barack vs. Hillary, has latched on to the modern American Battle Royale: Ordinary vs. Elite:

“’Ordinary people’ are real Americans: they worship God, revere America and love their families. ‘Condescending elites’ are crypto-Europeans—the sort of people who eat arugula, do sissified jobs in offices and universities, and scheme to ban guns and legalise gay marriage.”
there's more

comments (27)

Fertility tourism

Declining tourism has forced Estonian travel agencies to search for new niche markets. One enterprising firm is offering fertility tours to childishly challenged Finnish couples. “We constantly study the needs of our near neighbours and try to tailor travel packages specifically for their requirements,” said the firm’s marketing manager, who, due to the controversial nature of the offer, asked not to be named.
there's more

comments (6)

The World's Most Stupid Kids?

A heckuva lot of dumbasses

I've always been jealous of Estonian kids, getting to grow up in a country where it was cool to be smart. In my country, in a public school, it was cool to run fast and catch ball. Catch ball good. Athlete get scholarship.

Now is the season when Estonian kids are stressing out over the tests they're taking to get into good (and bad) public schools. But how good is your kid’s Estonian school? Probably better than the American school he’d be in.
there's more

comments (12)

Stolen Ennui Gas Discovered in Estonia

Silberauto’s total indifference explained

A Pentagon spokesman reported Monday that twenty seven packages of a secret chemical weapon called "ennui gas," a nerve agent that “overwhelms its victims with sudden philosophical distress over the meaningless tedium of human life” have been stolen from US government laboratories. Now, CIA agents, working in close partnership with Estonia’s KAPO, have determined Russian agents stole and smuggled the product into Estonia, where it has been released into the workplace.
there's more

comments (13)

Prodigal Minister Resigns

Can't get enough strawberry cake

In what has been called "Cakegate," Latvian parliament minister Ina Gudele finally paid the state back for her birthday party. But only "as soon as the press began talking about it.” Gudele spent 1,144 euros of taxpayer money to pay for her 43rd birthday bash. Now, having been unable to weather the media storm, the minister has resigned.
there's more

comments (13)

Carpetbaggers, Go home!

Would the Balts like to be rid of us?

One might gather from Alfa.lt's stories on racism in Lithuania that it isn't just dark-skinned minorities who are unwelcome there. The rullnokkad (an Estonian term for wannabe-fascists with limited intellectual faculties) would like to have it for themselves. "Come, watch, and leave" and "You have nothing what is really valuable to us..." are two messages directed at foreigners on the Lithuanian site. But the foreigners are firing back...
there's more

comments (8)

Taxi Wars

Just competition? Or dirty, rotten scoundrels?

Laki Takso plans to begin operating on May 5th with new Opels and Toyotas. When a car gets to be a year old, they promise to sell it. They also promise prices about half that of the market leader, Tulika. This isn't possible according to Reval Autogrupp's chief Kait Vaatman.
there's more

comments (5)

One story, two articles

by the Concierge

Baltlantis believes that coincidence in Estonia is a trite, daily occurrence. This is certainly true today because the Managing Editor Vello Vikerkaar and Contributing Editor Viktoria Vahva have submitted the same story.

Both are prone to moodiness and flights of indignation.

In an attempt to keep everyone on side, Baltlantis presents each article for your approval.


Hey, Big Spender	Russian tourists have shorter memory then Swedes

Only the commenter knows for sure.

Defense Minister's bad week gets worse

"Really, the bear was at least that big"

Jaak Aaviksoo, the Estonian Defense Minister, whom Baltlantis and the rest of the Estonian media spanked yesterday for refusing to be reasonable when it comes to outrageous spending on the Victory Monument, has now had a run in with a bear.

A car carrying Aaviksoo from Tartu to the National Defense Headquarters in Tallinn collided with the bear near the central Estonian town of Paide.

Hunters later shot the bear, butchered it on the spot and shares were doled out between the gunmen, Aaviksoo's bodyguards and the minister himself.

No one, other than the bear, was seriously injured.
there's more

comments (3)

When it comes to nutty, Tallinn City Councilmen do it the best

Earlier this week, Baltlantis reported that the Centre Party, which controls the Tallinn City Government, plans to prevent casino operators from opening a new gaming house unless they close two others. Now Baltic Business News writes that school director and member of the Tallinn City Council, Märt Sults, is flogging a plan to create a casino island in Paljasaare bay.

While the City Government refused official comment when Baltlantis called the press office, Mr. Sults can’t stop gabbing about his big idea. “The preparations are well in hand” he is reported as saying. “It is impossible not to ignore the big simolians casinos provide a cashed strapped city. Things just need to be put into such frames that we can control,” Sults said.
there's more

comments (3)

Aaviksoo: I’ll have that Victory Monument...

...and your little dog, too!

Things are tight in Estonia, and responsible members of government are being asked to tighten their belts. But the Minister of Defense refuses to shelve his plans for the Victory Monument, despite the fact that many Estonians, if not most, consider the construction of the monument a thoroughly bad idea.
there's more

comments (8)

Europe's Most Popular Soap?

And not a single speaking part

When you're tired of watching bad reality shows, then watch a good one. Looduskalender.ee is broadcasting what might be Europe's most popular soap opera--the continuing drama of Tony and Donna. Except for Tony got killed--probably shot down in the Middle East--and left Donna on her own. But now Donna has a new boyfriend--he appeared unexpectedly and conveniently just as in real-life soap operas--and her new boyfriend has a competitor, who demonstrated his love for Donna by ransacking her nest and destroying one of her eggs. But before Donna could call the cops, the boyfriend returned home and the fight began...
there's more

comments (3)

Oil shale is for junkies

Fodder for Estonia's Greens

"Junkies find veins in their toes when they can no longer find them in their arms," is how Al Gore describes burning oil shale and tar sand for energy. Of course, if Estonia had coal, it wouldn't be burning oil shale. But still, Gore's quote is great fodder for Estonia's Greens, who would like to see the country move to more friendly fuels.

Watch Mr. Gore's speech at TED here. And pass it on.

comments (6)

Salomon launches Baltish shoe

Meet the Sport Amphibinan

"Luckily," says Salomon Estonia's president, Ivo Imetore, "stupidity and sports often go hand in hand."

Imetore made no apologies for his company's new product, the Salomon Sport Amphibinan. "Yes, we all know it should be Amphibian, but there was a mistake at the factory in China, and the label was sewn on several thousand pairs. The company didn't want to throw them away, so they shipped them to Estonia."
there's more

comments (3)

Out for scalps?

Go figure.

First he tripled the land tax. Now he's picking on the casinos.

Äripäev reports that in the past seven years, three quarters of the 63 new casinos allowed to open by the Tallinn City Government have been under the Centre Party regime. According to a translation by Baltic Business News, Äripäev’s English-language arm, “Most of them [casinos] are located near kindergartens and schools…” And they’re hardly casinos in the western sense of the word. In the vast majority of cases, a “casino” in Estonia means a sleazy-looking building full of slot machines.
there's more

comments (1)

Big hat. No cattle.

Great headline. No story.

The new figures are out, and Estonia's unemployment last month grew 20.5% versus year-ago. Or so read the headlines. Buried further down is the actual unemployment figure for Estonia, 2.7%--far from Mr. Keynes' "perfect unemployment."
there's more

comments (4)

Surprise! Russia's border listening post

And it is easy to find

The Economist reports that just west of the Russian town of Pskov, 50 kilometres from the border with Estonia, there is a clandestine military base. The only problem, for the Russians at least, is that the installation is clearly visible on Google Earth. To find it, enter “Pskov” in Google Earth’s search field, centre the town on the screen and track due west. The main, twenty-metre dish and its huge shadow are clearly visible, as is the one medium size and five smaller dishes.
there's more

comments (6)

"Crazy," Estonian Style

No pushing, no shoving. Wussies.

"Remember," said an American at the front of the line, "an elbow to the face is far more effective than your fist." But the Estonians stood quietly, waiting their turn. Today marks the opening of Stockmann's Crazy Days (Hullud Päevad), and by 8 a.m., people were stacked forty-deep at the doors. When the doors opened, the crowd walked slightly faster than usual toward their main objective: a Siemens-Fujitsu laptop selling for around 7,000 EEK.
there's more

comments (2)

Hand me the wrench, Ivan.

Should your mechanic's teacher speak Estonian?

Yesterday, the language police fined more than 20 teachers from a Lasnamäe trade school. The fact that the teachers of auto mechanics--for the third year in a row--had not sufficiently mastered Estonian will cost them each 2,400 EEK. Of the 27 teachers checked, only three qualified, though an additional four had completed the beginners' exam.
there's more

comments (5)

The Conversation

They both knew the score on the missiles before the summit. So what were they saying?

Putin: Georg, my Eenglish very bad.
Bush: Da, Vlad. It ain't the best.
Putin: But heere, Georg. Here, me with three girl. 1972.
Bush: It's a great place, Vlad. This sand is soft. Squish your toes in it. There's a place at my dad's house in Kennebunkport where it's soft like this.
there's more

comments (4)

Alyosha in New York

Always watching

It's behind them, haunting them. Looming over Putin and his pistol. Through Mr. Brezhnev's eyebrows. In the mural's right corner, behind the thug with poor dental work (who is that, by the way?), watching.
there's more

comments (2)

Estonia’s Seventh Mafia

Who's in charge here? (Another installment in Baltlantis' series on Estonian leaders.)

They can move through a forest without breaking a twig. They can put a bullet through a man’s yawning mouth at one thousand meters. And they speak English without an accent. The world may have its Freemasons, but Estonia is run by graduates of the Seventh Secondary School. No, not Ansip or Savisaar or Ilves. But look in the shadows for the gray cardinals.
there's more

comments (1)

"Clever self-promoters"

Lithuanians speak about Estonians

Our staff sociologist, Vello Vikerkaar, has been interviewing Lithuanians about what they think of Estonians. While answers vary, he has arrived at one major conclusion.

Hats off to the Estonians, say the Lithuanians. "They took a cyberattack and turned it into a NATO cyber defense center. Amazing." Many I interviewed admitted to having long admired Estonians' ability to pull together as a nation and promote themselves positively in the western press. Lithuanians only wish they could do it themselves.
there's more

comments (2)

Russian study: Estonians speak Russian well

Russians in Estonia that is.

A Russian study concerning the "new independent states," reports that Russian-language skills and interest in Russia in the Republic of Estonia are impressively high. 56 percent of Estonian residents claimed to speak and read Russian well. 39 percent claimed to write it well. "No duh," says Eesti Päevaleht, reminding us that one third of Estonia's population speaks Russian as its mother tongue.
there's more

comments (3)

Baltlantis World Watch

Baltlantis (BL) gives world leaders the benefit of its Baltic-based infinite wisdom

Tibet vs. Beijing vs. the World
Protests outside the Chinese embassy in Tallinn are all well and good, but if Estonia wants to hit them where it hurts, then it should call for an Olympic boycott. (And no one can say it's because it's a small country who can't win medals.) Mr. Sarkozy is wrong to advocate only boycott the "propaganda of the opening ceremony." Sarkozy's idea is the equivalent of wanting to shun a convicted serial rapist in your dinner party circle by refusing only the apéritif but gladly taking a seat for the main course and dessert.
there's more

comments (3)

Tallinn snow removal a joke

… but do you hear anyone laughing?

Last week’s two days of winter has forced Deniss Boroditsh, Deputy Mayor of Tallinn, to admit that the quality of service provided by the city's snow removal contractors left much to be desired. “The accomplishment of street-cleaning works connected to the snowstorm need analysis and if necessary, the city will use sanctions against cleaning companies” Boroditsh is quoted as saying in postimees.ee.
there's more

comments (2)

Sutrop Sets Things Straight

Commentary on the controversy surrounding the author's Postimees interview on the Estonian language

by Urmas Sutrop

I regret granting the interview I gave to the Estonian daily newspaper Postimees on 14 March 2008. This interview was conducted by telephone and I was shocked to read my “aggressive statements” in the newspaper the following day. I immediately responded by writing a longer explanation which was published in Postimees on 18 March 2008. I also made a very important promise to myself: never answer journalists’ questions over the phone.
there's more

comments (4)

Will Fast Eddie Rise Again?

Or is this the last nail in the Savisaar coffin?

Tallinn Mayor Edgar Savisaar has raised Tallinn's land tax 2.5 times. One hell of a surprise to the citizens. Are we nearing his end of days? Flasher T holds court.

We're almost a year away from the Europarliament elections and a year and a half away from local ones, but it's starting up already.

I said last year that Savisaar was probably damaged beyond repair by his actions in the wake of the April riots; Reform and Isamaa would never let him live it down. It's a bit too early for them to drag out their biggest buckets of filth, but it is becoming increasingly clear that the government will do Centre Party no favours at all.
there's more

comments (3)

Your bill, Sir: 7 billion EEK

But keep that happy face

The Ministry of Economics and Communications' Mario Lambing estimates a 6.8 billion EEK loss associated with the Bronze Soldier riots. That's far more than broken windows and stolen Sprite: the amount factors in transit business losses, as well. But Estonia should keep its happy face, notes Reform Party fraction leader, Silver Meikar. "Russia also punishes its friends," he said in a newspaper interview, calling attention to Russian sanctions against both Belarus and Ukraine.
there's more

comments (7)

Please don’t comment

Baltlantis was recently contacted by a reputable news organization and asked if we were concerned about the case of the Estonian shipping magnate and real estate mogul, Vjacheslav Leedo, suing Estonia’s most popular online news outlet Delfi.ee, over comments made by its readers.

Baltlantis is slightly more concerned about getting sued by the Centre Party because we accused them of shooting unicorns.

Baltlantis readers have opinions and some of them are harsh, xenophobic and, on occasion, just plain wrong. On balance, no one has gone out of his way to be so cruel or unpleasant that his submissions needed to be edited, let alone deleted.
there's more

comments (6)

Tallinn – Murder capital of Europe?

The Maltese Independent’s online edition announced over the weekend that Malta’s capital Valletta is the safest city in Europe with zero murders in 2006. It also reports that the most unsafe capital is Tallinn, with 91 murders in 2006. A rate of 9.75 murders for every 100,000 inhabitants.

Is Tallinn really that dangerous? How many people walk the streets late on a Friday night fearing for their lives? How many have been grabbed off the street, thrown into the trunk of a black Mercedes, taken to a disused warehouse and ritually put down with a bullet in the back of the head?

Those who have had this done to them need not answer.
there's more

comments (7)

Language Deal of the Century